


First Snow

by bluetaoreune



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Denial, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-16 10:37:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12340995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluetaoreune/pseuds/bluetaoreune
Summary: Every year's first snow reminded Wangho his ex boyfriend,Sanghyeok





	1. Winter

**Author's Note:**

> I have literally nothing to say at all,  
> inspired by the song Ailee's I will go to you like the first snow

Three years, third first snow. It's been that long but Wangho could still feel the pain in his chest just like when Sanghyeok left him three years back then. It was that vivid and real, it felt like as if it was happening right in front of him, right now. 

But it wasn't, the one he loved the most isn't here. He isn't by his side to hold him like how he always do back then. He wasn't there to wipe his tears away and make another dad joke just to make him laugh. He wasn't there to tell him it's okay and he'll always be by his side.  
He wasn't here with Wangho.

 

Wangho snuggled his face deeper into his blanket when the sunlight slightly touched his cheeks. The sunlight felt warm in the winter, he liked it. But he hated the fact that it's winter again.

He opened his eyes slowly when the thought came up in his mind, it's winter again. Wangho stared blankly at the cream coloured wall in front of him, half of his face still covered with the blanket. The jungler sighed into the blanket and slowly crawled up from his bed. It's that season of the year again. The jungler yawned and scratched his head, looking around the room, it's a habbit of him, looking around his sorounding every morning even tho it's the same everytime. He again stared blankly into nowhere. He didn't feel like getting up, sometiems he wish he's a snake or a bear or whatever animals that take winter hibernation. He wish he can sleep through the whole winter so he don't have to think about it. 

But that is just plain impossible right?

The jungler finally got onto his feet after a five minute blank stare on the wall. He makes his way down the hall where the bathroom locate. Can't help but to stop and stare at the door beside the bathroom's. It was Sangheyok's old room, now it was just Yuijin who sleeps there. 

The team still haven't gotten a new mid laner, it was just Haneul, who is doing well in the main position. But it's getting hard for him as people won't stop comparing Sanghyeok and him. Haneul know it himself that how can he ever win the legend Faker himself? So he really don't need people talking aorund him asking if he thinks he have the right to sit in Faker's position or not. Wangho feel sorry and pity towards Haneul, it wasn't his fault.

Sanghyeok is the one who chose to leave.  
Wangho sighed the second time today when the boy popped up in his mind again. He went into the bathroom and began his usual routine.

 

Sungu lazily poked out his head and blinked his eyes a few times and realised it is already morning. His gaze landed on Wangho's bed and surprised to see that the other jungler is already awake. Wangho don't usually wake up this early, unless it's practice day, which today is a day off for the Skt members, or.. it's Winter again.. The sub jungler looked to the other side and saw their maknae still sleeping. And so he shrugged a bit and went back to sleep.

 

After Wangho has done doing his stuff in the bathroom, he got out and is being greeted by the bot duo, who is arguing about a pair of socks. They stopped when they saw Wangho.

"Oh hey Wangho, good morning!" Jaewan greeted with his usual cheery voice and Junsik smiled at Wangho. The both know Wangho is really delicate and fragile in this season, in fact all the members know, so they all treat him special in the winter. Which the jungler really hates it.

"Morning hyung." Wangho smiled a bit and moved away so that the both of them can use the bathroom. Just brushing their teeth together don't worry.

"Well manager-nim is already here with the breakfast along with coach, why don't you go join them?" That's how they usually talk to him in the winter and that's why the jungler really hates it. They talk to him as if they're not close to him.

"Sure." He then walked away and into the living room.   
Yita, their manager, looks up when she saw her little puppy. Yita spoil Wangho the most because of his small body size and cute face. She once said it just came out of her like a mother love when she first saw Wangho.

"Awww Wangho ah morning, you look good as usual today." That's how Yita usually talks with him, adding awws and nawws to every words about him.

"Hey noona." Wangho smiled and walked to Yita who is busy taking the boxes of food out from the paper bag.   
The manager patted her little puppy's head in return and Wangho silently watched his manager prepare their food, there is a lot, like portion for nine people. The jungler wanted to help but he knows that Yita will never allows that, she doesn't like her players interfrence her job and she wanted them to do nothing but play games. She spoils them all much really, but spoiled Wangho the most.

"You can wait with Junggyun over there, I'm almost done anyway. Or you want to help me wake the others up?" The jungler looked at Junggyun, their coach, who looked back at Wangho blankly. He shook his head slightly and walked back into his shared bedroom to wake the younger duo up.

"Sungu wake up." He shaked the other jungler rather harshly. Sungu groaned and pushed Wangho away. The kid fell back into deep sleep really fast huh?

Wangho sighed as he moved to the other side which is Haneul's bed. He saw how cute Haneul is to cover his whole body, including face with the white fluffy blanket. Their maknae have came through a lot these past three years because of faker leaving.. just like him.

"Haneulie wake up now, manager-nim and coach is already here." Unlike Sungu, Haneul actually pulled down the blanket a bit, just bellow his eyes, to look at his hyung. 

"Is there food?" Wangho chuckled at the youngest and nodded his head while walking out. He knows Hanuel is going to wake up soon.

He then moved to Seunghoon's shared room with the bot duo and try to wake him up, and gladly Huni gave the same reaction as Haneul.

Which now means, the last stop he needs to go is Yuijin's room, which is also Sanghyeok's old room.  
He stopped in front of the door, he can still feel his heart ache whenever he walk past this door. To be honest, the jungler really doesn't want to go in. He want the door to dissapear, he want all of these memory of him and Sanghyeok to be gone. 

"It's okay hyung I can wake him up." The jungler jumped a bit when he saw Sungu standing beside him, rubbing his eyes. 

"No, it's okay, I..I think I can do it." Wangho gave the other jungler a small smile and placed his hand on the door knob.

Sungu in the other hand is worried,he doesn't want Wangho to cried like last year again. It wasn't winter that time, it was someday in spring and Wangho is forced to wake Yuijin up even if he resist to. The teammates said that it's been two years so they wanted to give Wangho a chance to let go, so they all pushed the jungler in front of Yuijin's room door and asked him to wake the older up. Wangho didn't want to and he thought his teammates understand it is immpossible for him to do this, let it be walking into the room or moving on from Sanghyeok, both was immpossible, still is. But they still pushed Wangho to his limits. As soon as Wangho opened the door, everything hit him, it's like he's having a war of flashbacks. So he finally broke down and cried on the ground, the members are shocked, so is Yuijin who is already awake due to the crying noise, him waking up being confused and all. The members really didn't expect Wangho to react this way, they didn't know a single room can effect the jungler this much. But how can it not? Wangho basically shared everything in this room with Sanghyeok. All the kisses that Sanghyeok will wash Wangho with and all the nights they'll spend together on Sanghyeok's bed thinking about their possible future, all the cuddles and stuff, that's what the room means to the jungler, it felt like Sanghyeok.


	2. Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Sanghyeok is still in contact with the Skt members, but without Wangho.

So no, Sungu really doesn't want to deal with a crying Wangho early in the morning. And so, Sungu knocked on the door loudly, almost like banging it, not giving the jungler to even have the chance to twist the door knob.

"Wake up hyung!! Breakfast is ready!!!" The younger jungler shouted, it's not like he care about what Yuijin thinks any way, the both are already really close, and by really I mean really.

Meanwhile, Wangho isn't entirely happy about what Sungu did. He wanted to give himself a chance, a chance to move on. But looks like Sungu doesn't want that to happen. But truth is, Sungu just doesn't want him to be sad.

"Shut up you disrespectful kid it's early in the morning!" And that's Yuijin reply, which makes Sungu smiled.

The both of them walked back to the living room together after succesfully waking Yuijin up. All of the SKT members are there, Seunghoon have his eyes closed, head resting on Haneul's shoulder which Haneul used it as an advantage and lay his head on top of Seunghoon's, staring blankly into the tv which is playing borning morning news. And Junsik and Jaewan is still bickering about the pair of socks. 

"Come on now, breakfast is served!" One thing Wangho really liked about Yita it's because she really showed them a mother figure. Well Yita isn't really old, she's in her mid thirty just like Junggyun but she just really bring of the mother aura, and Wangho really liked it and he's sure his fellow members enjoyed it too.

"What's for breakfast?" Uijin asked as soon as he stepped out of the room, haven't even reached the living room yet. Wangho looked at the dinning table and saw a few sets of bento.

"Bento for breakfast Yita?" Sungu questioned and Yita didn't took it quite well. 

"Do you have a problem with that Blank? If I'm not wrong you are the one who calls me in the middle of the night and asked me to bring you japanese food to the gaming room. Let me remind you, it was 1 in the morning." The manager bursted which makes everyone laugh, even Wangho. 

Sungu laughed awkwardly and moved to the couch, that is just so true, Sungu did that.

After Uijin arrived to the living room the manager gave them their meals. Yita gave Wangho a small smile and patted the boy's head. She may not say it but she too knew that winter isn't a good season to the jungler, but she didn't need to remind him like all the others did, there's no need to hurt the boy again and again.

"you guys have stream later today don't forget, even you too Junggyun." the manager stated while the boys are still focused on their breakfast and Haneul still staring at the news while eating. She smiled when the boys replied her with a simple and lazy nod. Yita just like seeing her boys eating well. The manager stood up and walked to the table and took her bag and car keys. She looked back at the boys and non of them gave her any attention, not even Wangho, but it's fine since they're eating well.

"I'll be leaving now, start cleaning up yourself to those who haven't after finishing your food. And start getting readybeacuse I want you guys to be in the gaming room in 10. Skrim starts in 10:30 so don't be late." These should be Junggyun job since he's the coach but lets say he's just like the others boys, he likes being spoiled by Yita even though he's older than the manager. And Yita just don't mind helping.

The manager muttered a 'okay' when non of them replied her, not even a nod this time, and left. It wasn't like the boys gate her or something, they love her, but just like moms, sometimes when they nags too much you'll get annoyed too.

After finishing the breakfast, Wangho stared at his already empty plate. His mind on something far away. he looked up and the first person he saw is Junsik, finally away from Jaewan and now looking for his sweater in the living room, the boys tend to thorws their stuff around the house a lot. The jungler took a few deep breaths.

"Junsik hyung..." The younger finally called out after a good one minute stare at the ADC, who is still looking for his sweater. Junsik looked up and gave Wangho a look, signalling him to continue, Wangho looked everywhere but Junsik, too nervous to look at the older. But eventually Wangho eyes still landed on Junsik, who is getting confused already. "Did.. did Sanghyeok hyung contacted any of you..?"

The question got Junsik surprised, even though Junsik knows Wangho have been thinking about Sanghyeok all the time  but he didn't actually thought that the jungler will ask about Sanghyeok because he stopped asking about Sanghyeok Six months after he had left. The thing is Wangho wanted to know how have Sanghyeok been doing, he craves for the older, even if it's just a glimpse of him. He needs to know how he've been doing because he knows that himself isn't doing well.

The ADC blinked a few times and finally sat down beside Wangho. He should tell Wangho the truth, the old mid laner did contact them quite frequently actually. He wanted to know how have they been doing all these years after he have left. He even sometimes asked about the jungler that he loves, well once loved. So the teammates pretty much are still close to Sanghyeok. But Wangho didn't know that, he can't know that.


	3. Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sungu is sure that he's not like Wangho and Sanghyeok, he's sure that he's no different from other boys.

Sometimes, not much." So yes, Junsik lied because telling the truth will only hurt the younger more and non of the members want that.

Wangho breath hitched when he heard that, so Sanghyeok did contacted them, but not him. He would be lying if he says he's fine with being just friends with the older, but he wanted to see the older again, to feel him by his side again or just listen to his voice will make him feel better. But those wasn't happening and will not be happening because Wangho knows that the ex mid laner felt the opposite way, he didn't want to have anything to do with the younger, Wangho knows that.

"What did you guys talked about?" Junsik was already expecting that question so when Wangho is silent just now the ADC is already thinking about a reply.

"He just asked how are we doing." That's the only reply that popped up in the older mind but at least it was realistic and kinda true. But when the moment Junsik looked over at the jungler, he can see that he isn't taking the information in well. The younger's eyes is starting to become red and glossy, his pale cheeks became pink. Seeing the younger like this hurt Junsik so he added on to make Wangho feel better. "He even asked about you just so you know."

Just that one sentence, it didn't take much to make the younger lighten up a bit and let's not mention, got surprised. The last thing he expect is Sanghyeok asking about him. He thought that the older didn't care, he looks like he don't. What Wangho don't get is why won't Sanghyeok call him then? But deep inside Wangho knows it's impossible for them to be back like what they used to be, let it be boyfriends or friends, nothing is going to be the same anymore.

"H-he did?" The ADC eyes widened a bit when Wangho finally looked up to him. The younger boy is crying by now, hot warm tears falling down his cheeks as he asked. The jungler himself didn't realise he's already crying, he promised himself to never cry over the little things again and this is a little thing right?

Junsik heart softened, he have seen Wangho in a state like this for many times, but everytime when he cries it hurts the older's heart. Wangho is one of Junsik's bestfriends, he cares for him much just like the others. The ADC had been playing with Wangho even before the younger joined SKT. They know each other for that long and Junsik had always been taking good care of the jungler like his little brother. So whenever the younger cried, he blammed himself for not being able to be a good brother/friend. But Sanghyeok is Junsik's friend too, he and the ex mid laner had been in SKT for so long, their friendship is stronger than one could ever imagine. So he can't bear to hurt one just to help one.

"Yes he did, now don't cry now Wangho ah." The ADC putted his hands on the younger's back and patted him softly, in result Wangho cried even harder. The jungler quickly covered his face with his hands when he knows that he can't control his tears anymore. And Junsik felt like what he said just now isn't the right word. So he added on. "It's okay, let it all out."

And Wangho listened, he broke down into a crying mess.

The others slowly walked into the living room when they heard Wangho's crying noise, even Junggyun who is previously in the bathroom. Sungu looked at Wangho, the feeling is back again, whenever Wangho cried, Sungu can't help but to blame it on Sanghyeok. He understand that Sanghyeok left for his own good but Sungu can't accept that. Sanghyeok wanted to be happy so he left, but what about Wangho who he called his boyfriend. He thought Sanghyeok loved Wangho, but if he really did, why would he be this selfish? Wangho is a human being too, a beautiful one, to Sungu, so how can someone bear to hurt him when all he does is love them. Sungu doesn't understand what is Sanghyeok thinking because what Sungu and the others have seen 3 years ago, those were real, they were real, their love were real. So how can Sanghyeok leave so easily without even turning back to look at Wangho one last time when the other boy is crying his heart out against the wall.

And Sungu isn't going to do that. He isn't going to leave Wangho alone when he's crying like that. So he walked to the jungler and crouched down to Wangho's level. Junsik stared at him as the younger jungler slowly wrapped his arms around the crying boy and hugged him to his chest. Wangho cried even harder and leaned into Sungu's warm embrace. By now Junsik had already let go and left. He walked to Jaewan's side and both looked at each other with symphathy. Sungu rested his chin on top of Wangho's head as Wangho cried into Sungu's chest, inhaling in his scent that Wangho had always liked since the first day they started sharing a same room together.

"I miss him Sungu ah.." Was all he can say and it had been in his mind for 3 years now, he missed their old mid laner, his mid laner. He can only feel Sungu's hands smoothening his back. As much as he's thankful that Sungu is here with him, he wished Sanghyeok is the one who is here.

"I know you do hyung..." Sungu isn't going to ask the jungler to move on, that will only hurt the older more and Sungu believed that one day Wangho will let it go because as time pass, everything fades, even the memories that you cerish the most. And by that time Wangho will finally be happy again right?.. Right..?

After that there is just silence, the ither boys who is staring at the two just now had already left to do their own things. Meanwhile Sungu is still there hugging the older jungler. He didn't mind staying with the crying boy because he knows that he needs someone right now and he can be the someone.

Sungu doesn't like boys, he isn't like Wangho or Sanghyeok, or maybe even Junsik and Jaewan who is obviously in love with each other but just wouldn't admit it. No Kang Sungu isn't gay, he claims to be straight and Sungu only ever dated girls. Never once the idea of liking a boy let along dating one crossed his mind. Is the younger jungler afraid of being different like what they've said? Yes, yes he is, but he's sure he isn't different, so he's sure he isn't in love with the older jungler, he's sure. What he have for Wangho is just plain brothery love.


	4. Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all started when Sanghyeok asked His boyfriend to a date on someday during winter.

"Wango ah Sungu ah it's getting late why don't you guys go and get ready?" When the older between the two hugging boys has calmed down a bit, Junggyun asked. He didn't want them to get late, Yita will probably starts nagging again if she didn't see them in the gaming room whe she arrived.

Wangho peeked through the younger's shoulder with some tear stain on his cheeks and watery eyes. The jungler nodded his head like a little boy and Sungu finally let go of him. Both boys then stood up and walked back into their room to get ready. Junggyun stared at the abandoned plastic plate on the couch and sighed. "Well they say the coach is the dad."

And with that he helped all the boys to clean up their empty plastic plates and drived them to the gaming room.

The jungler never talks about those embarassing moments related to Sanghyeok because he doesn't want to think about it. So the members, too, never talks about it unless Wangho is the one who brought it up first, they all pretends like nothing had happened and that the older jungler did not just cried.

The car ride to the gaming room is just like the usual, the whole car being noisy as they shouted out the lyrics of the song that is playing on the radio, of course Wangho didn't join, he stopped joining these fun things ever since his love had left.

Wangho is just staring out into the winter view through the car window, he allowed himself to leave his mind blank for awhile, thinking about nothing but the view. Meanwhile when the others are still shouting out one of Big Bang's song lyrics, Haneul's phone 'dinged' signalling him that he have a new message. The youngest queit down and looked at his phone screen. His eyes widened when he saw who it was. He looked to the person beside him who happend to be the older jungler, making sure that he was too focused on the view. The youngest tilted his body a bit so that even if Wangho turned around, he wouldn't be able to see his screen. He unlocked his phone and read what the person had sent.

And yes you guess it right, the person is indeed the 'Lee Sanghyeok'.

Sanghyeokie Hyung  
-Haneul ah congrats on winning the worlds! Help me wish the others too!

Haneul was about to shout to the others that their Faker just congrats-ed them on the winning but stopped when he remember that Wangho is in the car too. Instead, he replied back to his favrouite hyung.

Me  
-Thank you hyung!!! How have you been doing?

It didn't take long for the older to reply.

Sanghyeokie Hyung  
-Real good actually, Seongung and me we just celebrated our two years anniversary tgt in the campus.

The youngest clenched his phone when he read that, if Wangho sees these he's going to break down again, only this time will be more worse, he might even do something stupid.

You see, the jungler didn't know that Sanghyeok had already gotten himself a boyfriend, and yes it is in fact   
Seongung, the older jungler of SKT, who is also one of the reason why the ex mid laner left.

Wangho remembers it so vividly when Sanghyeok told him everything.

That day was someday in December, and there is where everything started when the mid laner decided to bring his boyfriend out on a date, little did Wangho knows that that was their very last date.

The jungler laid his head comfortably on Sanghyeok's lap while scrolling through his social media. Sanghyeok on the other hand were having a really frustrated mind. He's about to hurt the guy that he loved, he don't want to hurt him, he seriously don't want to, but he don't have any other choice, he had already promised Seongung. The mid laner looked down to Wangho's face and his heart twisted, how can he hurt this beautiful human being? But he have decided, he don't want to lie to the other anymore, he have to tell him the truth. But maybe not like this.

"Wangho ah do you want to go out later?" The jungler removed his phone from his face so that he can see his lover's face. Sanghyeok felt the guilt rushing through his veins when he saw how excited Wangho is.

"Are you asking me out on a date?" The younger giggled and finally decided to just completly put his phone away and give his boyfriend his full attention.

The mid laner nodded and brushed Wangho's bangs. He likes doing that. Sanghyeok thinks for awhile, he wanted Wangho to be happy today, because this might be the last time where he is the reason why the jungler smile. "Where do you like to go then?"

Wangho scrunched his nose and slightly glared at Sanghyeok cutely. Sanghyeok really liked it when the jungler acts like this, he thinks that Wangho is cute, maybe that's also a reason why he dated him. "But it's                a date. You're suppose to surprise me!"

What Wangho didn't know is Sanghyeok in fact have a surprise for him, but it will not be a good one for sure. The older laughed a bit at the boy's statement while Wangho is still huffing and puffing, but Sanghyeok eventually looked away, he's scared that he might change, he have to tell Wangho everything today, it'll hurt him, but it's better than having the younger living in a lie forever, besides Sanghyeok is leaving next week. He have already told the others and asked them to keep it as a secret from Wangho. The others didn't accept it at first but then they thought aabout it, it's Sanghyeok's own life, they have no rights to stop him from persuiting his happiness and dream.

You might think that being a pro gamer is actually Sanghyeok's life time dream, but the truth is, Sanghyeok actually really wants to go to college and continues his study, he knows that playing game can't be his life time job , he have to stop one day and is that one day really came he have to be ready for a new job. So that's why the mid laner wanted to leave and continue his study as a college boy. He have been thinking about it for a long time now, the only reason why he haven't left is because of his boyfriend. He can't leave because he loves him, he rether choose his love than college, but now that the feelings had faded, there's nothing stopping him anymore.

As cruel as it sounds, he just doesn't love Wangho like he used to anymore. But he still cared for him of course that's why he can't bear to hurt him.

"But there's a specific place that I really want to go today." The mid laner looked back to the jungler and Wangho looked at Sanghyeok with a smile plastered on his face. "I want to go to Namsan Tower, the wheather report said that there might be a snow later tonight, which will be the first snow this year."

Sanghyeok smiled, he knows that Wangho loves the winter, especially the snow, whenever the first snow of the year started falling he will make it into such a big fuss about it and the older really enjoys seeing Wangho being happy. "Sure"

By hearing that the younger quickly crawled up from his boyfriend's lap and peaked his lips muttering a 'thank you'. The the guilt rushed up again, he can't do this, he'll break him.

The jungler then lay back down on Sanghyeok's lap and continues of his social surfing. Sanghyeok too took his phone out from hispocket and opened his kakao to his conversation with Seongung.

Me  
Hyung I can't do it, I can't hurt him like this.

He glanced down at Wangho again before continuing his typing. 

Me  
I'll break him.

Seongung  
But if you don't tell him now he'll get hurted more and when the day you have to go came, he'll hate you for not telling him.

The mid laner shutted his eyes, his head is hurting, this is too much for him.


	5. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junsik is mad when Sanghyeok told them the truth, so mad that he's about to throw punches to the said mid laner. But he tried and understand.

He felt something snuggled itself into his tummy so he quickly opened his eyes and looked down. Wangho have his face burried in Sanghyeok's tummy and his phone is already out of his hands beside him. The boy peeked through Sanghyeok's sweater and looked at him with those pair of innocent eyes. "I really love you do you know that hyung?"

Sanghyeok felt his heart clenched again, he's about to take Wangho's happiness away from him, he's about to kill the most beautiful and innocent human being in the world. But he smiled. "I know Wangho ah."  
And there is no fake 'I love you too' returned.

When Wangho eventually fell asleep on the mid laner lap, he slowly moved the younger's head and placed him on a pillow. He stood up and walked out of the room.

As soon as he shutted the door, he sighed and slowly slided down against the door. He burried his head into his leg, this is too hard for him, its already hard for him to leave his team, his precious teammates that he loved dearly, but this is different, we're talking about someone that he use to love until his mind gone crazy and Wangho is still so in love with him, so how can he hurt him like this. But again, like what Seongung had just said, if he don't tell him now, he'll end up getting hurt more, he can't let Wangho thinks that he's still in love with him, that'll be lying to the boy and it's already been a month since Sanghyeok had fall out of love with Wangho.

So he have to do it no matter what.  
After Sanghyeok had already left for about two hours or so, the jungler finally woke up. The minute when he opened his eyes and can't feel his lover's by his side, disapoinment immediately hit him. The young boy had already gotten use to waking up by Sanghyeok's side even before the two started dating, but lately it's getting more and more often that he'll wake up alone in Sanghyeok's bed. He didn't think much because the mid laner still treated him like how he always do, but Sanghyeok.. just seems too far for Wangho to reach now.

Wangho slowly crawled up from the bed and looked around the room, the habit remember? And realise that the mid laner is nowhere to be found, the room is empty and the jungler furrowed his brows. Where is Sanghyeok? He isn't in his room? Aren't they suppose to have a date later? Don't the mid laner have to get ready?

He glanced at the clock on the wall. 

'6:24 p.m'

He shrugged his thoughts away and quickly get up from the bed, Sanghyeok might already got ready and is waiting for him outside.

As soon as he opened the door, his fellow noisy teammates voice echoed through his ears. He smiled, oh how much he is pleased to listen to their voice everyday, they makes him happy, but still, they are nothing compared to Sanghyeok. 

He walked down the hallway into the living room where he knows all the teammates is there with his bed hair. He smiled when he saw everyone there including his mid laner. 

"Oh hey sleepy head!" Seunghoon shouted when he saw Wangho. The jungler muttered a small 'hey' before walking up to Sanghyeok's side. 

The mid laner glanced down to the young boy, who is hugging his side burying his face into the crook of Sanghyeok's neck. The others just watched the two, they know what is going to happen next, the mid laner had told them just now. All of the members have this sympatic look on their face, they felt so sorry to Wangho. 

What is going to happen after Sanghyeok left? What is going to happen to the team? What is going to happen to Wangho? What is going to happen in the whole lol industry? The legend Faker is quiting Leageu Of Legends, how does that sounds to you?

"Hey Wangho ah, why don't you go and get ready? I'm going to get ready too." The older boy between the two stated while hugging back to Wangho. The jungler nodded his head happily and walked back into his room.

Sanghyeok stayed behind for awhile. He knows the members have things to tell him.

"Sanghyeok.. this is bad.. this is really bad." Junsik said while rubbing his forehead. Junsik can't accept that how Sanghyeok can fake what he just did so well. When Sanghyeok first told them everything Junsik is about to lose his temper and punch the older boy. 'How can you?!'  that's what Junsik been shouting out while Jaewan and Junggyun is pulling him back, stopping him from throwing the punches to Sanghyeok. Junsik remember how mad he was, he still is, but when Jaewan succesfully pulled him back to the couch calming him down Junggyun asked him to listen to Sanghyeok, he heard every single one of the word that the mid laner had said, and his anger finally disapeared and is replaced by sorry for the mid laner.

'Please Junsik I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt Wangho, I didn't want to, I really did loved him, I loved him with my whole heart you know that. But I just.. I just don't feel like what I use to feel anymore. I.. I don't know why I fell out of love with him too, he's a wonderful person and as chile as it sound, I feel like I don't deserve him.' he then took a deep breath before continuing. 'And about leaving the team and quiting this career.. I'm just too tired of people knowing me as Faker. And I want to finish my dream, it may look like I've gotten tired in playing League, but honestly that's the truth. I've started playing Leageu ever since the game first released, I missed that much study, all I do is play game. One day, we'll all gonna stop playing as a pro gamer I know that, and I know that you guys know that too. And if that day come, I don't want to be a useless guy who doesn't know how everything works except for playing games. I want to live guys.. and I want you guys to understand that please..'

So Junsik tried to understand him, because he sometimes feel that too. But about the whole Wangho thing, it took him awhile to understand, he thinks about it, not every lover last forever right?    And maybe that Wangho will actually be okay, and even if he doesn't one he'll eventually be right?

"I know.. that's why I'm stopping it today, it must be today." Sanghyeok stated while looking at Junsik who doesn't really look good.

Then the room goes silence, no one dared to speak anything, maybe it's better like this, it'll be ending soon, everything will be ending soon.

The mid laner finally decided to break the silence. "I guess I'll go and get ready now."

"You'll break him." Just when Sanghyeok is about to walk down the hallway, Sungu, who have been quiet all these time stated. 

Sanghyeok looked at the boy and Sungu slowly looked up from the ground, straight into the older's eyes. His face fierce, the members never seen the younger jungler like this before. 

You're one selfish jerk.

"Doesn't you once said he's your everything?" Everyone is taken aback by what Sungu had just said, no one expect Sungu to say that.

"I-" No the boy won't even give him the chance to finish.

All you care about is your own happiness.

"Wangho would want you to be happy we all know that, but are you aware of what you're actually doing?" Again, he didn't even give the mid laner a chance to start a sentence. "You are talking about killing the boy that you once loved."

"Are you aware of that?" Everyone by now is beyond shock. Sanghyeok is out of words, the least person he expecting to say these are Sungu.

The both shared a long while of stare, until Sanghyeok finally looked away and sighed. "I do.."

And you are okay in being a killer? Pathetic.

".. Be happy hyung.."


	6. The Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wangho doesn't like the date, he hates it so much that he can't seem to forget about it.

"Oh my gawd it's colder than I expected hyung!" Wangho burried his face into his red scarf and rubbed his hands together. But Sanghyeok quickly caught the younger's hand and into his own. 

Wangho looked down to their interwined hands and looked back up to his boyfriend, his glasses that he's finally wearing it after awhile, dropped a bit and is hagging low at the tip of his nose. He huge smile showed on his face and he sway their hands back and foward.

Sanghyeok thought about what Sungu had said just now, is he sure he want to do it now?

"Maybe next year we can come again! Look at those people!" The jungler exclaimed while pulling the mid laner to the railing. 

The older didn't reply but Wangho is too focused on the view to realise that. "Wow look at the view hyung!! We'll never be able to get this view in the gaming house or room."

Wangho is about to pull his phone out from his pocket but then he remembered something, the most famous thing for couples in the Namsan Tower. "Hyung! Let's go get the love lockers and write each other name on it and write sweet messages to each other and-"

"Wangho ah please stop." As soon as those words left the older's mouth, Wangho's face dropped. That is the first sentence that Sanghyeok had said ever since they left the house.

"What do you mean hyung..? Don't you wanna do it..?" The mid laner, slowly let go of his boyfriend's hand and looked at him straight in the eyes. 

Wangho panicked when he saw that look on Sanghyeok's face, did he done something wrong? "I mean it's okay if you don't want-"

"Wangho we need to break up.." It felt like as if the younger's whole world is falling apart when the mid laner said that. 

"What do you mean- Ha! Oh my, gosh hyung you got me-" The boy laughed awkwardly but Sanghyeok remained silence and serious. Wangho can feel the stinging sensation in his heart, this is not happening. 

"Wangho I'm serious.. we need to break up." There's tears starting to well up in the jungler eyes as he didn't know what to say or do. There's no way Sanghyeok is breaking up with him, they were fine just now. And this was suppose to be a date.

"Bu-but hyung what happened..? W-we were fi-fine just now what do you mean by breaking up..?" Wangho tried to reach out for Sanghyeok's hand but the older backed up. When Sanghyeok backed up the tears finally gushed out from his eyes. "Hyung.. please don't play with me right now.."

"I'm sorry but I'm not Wangho ah.." The mid laner heart softened when he saw Wangho's state. It's happening, he's killing him.. "We need to stop this relationship.."

"Bu-but why hyung..?" The younger asked, tears won't stop gushing out from his eyes. The stinging pain in his heart is just getting worse. 

"I-I've fallen out of love with you Wangho ah.." The junger thought that he ha djust heard the cracking sound of his heart. "I've fallen out of love with you for over a month now.." And the cracking sound continued but louder this time. "I'm sorry that I've been faking all these time.. but I really did loved you before." and louder. "I just.. I just can't seem to love you anymore.."  
Then he can't hear the cracking sound again, he can't feel his heart again. He can't feel anything. 

"I'm sorry Wangho ah.. but I'm leaving.. I'm quiting this career and I'm leaving Korea.. I'm sorry.. I really did loved you.." And the moment when he turned around wangho immediately broke down, he dropped onto the floor, can't even feel the stares that the people have been giving. It takes Sanghyeok so much to leave without looking back but he still did eventually, a few drops of tears slided down his cheeks. 

As soon as he's sure that he's out of the younger's sight he fished out his phone and called Sungu.

It didn't even take Sanghyeok second ring and Sungu immediately picked it up as if he's already waiting. "Help him... please help him Sungu ah.."

When Sungu arrived at Namsan, he could see Wangho still hugging his legs crying by the railing and people are serounding his taking pictures. Sungu pushed himself across the crowd and quickly rushed to Wangho's side. He removed his jacket and covered the top of Wangho head and face. He then turned to the crowd and shouted at them to leave, when non of them listened Sungu immediatly helped the younger up and got him on his back before quickly leaving the place. 

The younger jungler placed the crying and shivering boy into the back of Junsik car and quickly got inside too. 

"Is he oka-" Junsik who is in the front at the driver seat asked but Sungu quickly cutted him off.

"Please hyung just go he's not fine!" Junsik was still shocked so Jaewan who is besid him smacked his head.

"Go!"


	7. Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They better have a good reason to answer Yita as to why they're late.

Wangho opened his eyes, panting hard. He looked around and saw everyone, still in the car. He sighed, so he still thinks about it huh..?

"Hyung you okay..?" Haneul asked while phone still in his hands. The jungler furrowed his brows when he saw how the youngest is sitting.

"I'm okay.. why are you sitting like that Haneul ah..?" The boy's brows knitted even more when he saw Haneul sitting there in a really awkward position plus expression, like he did something that no one can know.

Haneul felt his heart stopped as he laughed awkwardly. He putted his phone back into his sweater pocket and scratched his head.

"I.. uhm.. am taking a picture of you.. Ha.." That wasn't the best excuse but it was the only one that popped up in his mind. Haneul felt like he's the dumest person in the world when he said that. Great, now Wangho is going to ask him to give him his phone.

The jungler glared at the mid laner and reached foward for his phone, not realising how weird Haneul sounded when he said that. "Give me your phone, delete it!"

The mid laner immediately turned away until his back is facing the jungler, he quickly took out his phone and act like he pressed something on the screen before shoving it to Wangho's face. "There! It's gone!"

That Wangho did realise it's strange, this isn't how the mid laner is. If he really did took a picture of him, he'll definately wouldn't delete it just like this. But since there is no ugly picture of himself in the youngest phone, he let him go this time.

"Fine, there you can have your phone back." The others all stared at the two, already stopped shouting for a long time now. They can almost guess what is going on, they all started to be cautions around Wangho when using their phones ever since Sanghyeok started to message them because they don't know when will the other text them. Sungu and Junsik even changed Sanghyeok's name so even if Wangho did saw the message he wouldn't know that it's him.

The ex mid laner never asked them to keep it as a secret, he don't mind that if they told Wangho anything. In fact, all these time he actually thought that Wangho knew everything already. But the jungler didn't know, the jungler know nothing, non of the members wants to tell him anything, because they knows non of it is good news to Wangho.

Especially the fact that Sanghyeok had already moved on and got someone new.

"Come on now guys we're late." After parking the car in their usual spot Junggyun immediately panicked and shouted at the boys to move faster when he saw Yita's car at her usual spot. He glanced at the digital clock bellow the car radio and read the time, '10:46' it says. "Hoshit we're dead!"

When all of them got into the gaming room, silently praying that Yita whould be in the kitchen or washroom or anywhere besides the skriming room, so that they can quickly open League and starts playing so that Yita wouldn't have the chance to nag at them. But luck is obviously not on their side because as soon as they opened the door, the sight of a very pissed off Yita welcomed them.

"You guys better have a good reason to explain why you're almost 50 minute late." The manager have her arm crossed and obvious anger on her face. Of course she's mad, they're 19 minutes pass the skrimming time, but they do have a good reason though. And yes it's Wangho but they wouldn't say that of course, it'll sounds like they're blamming it on Wangho.

"Traffic problem." Junggyun stated while putting his bag and his coat on the table. The others followed but Yita stopped them.

"There's barely any car in the road Junggyun, we came from the same place, but just one hour earlier and it is way pass working time. Who are you trying to fool actually?" There we go, the nags and the mother of Skt is back. They can never seems to fool the manager.

The coach gulped, they have to give her a valid reason so that she could let them go. But he can't possibly say it in front of the older jungler right? So the oldest guy pulled the manager to the kitchen. Yita stared at the coach confusingly before finally realise what is it that he wanted to say because of that look on his face. 

"It's Wangho isn't it..?" The girl asked, the anger already faded and there's only pity left. Of course it has to be Wangho..

Junggyun nodded his head before adding on. "He cried again today.. Junsik and Sungu calmed him down, gladly, or I don't think he'll be able to skrim or stream today."

The fans can never know what is happening to the jungler, the media would go wild. The  fans had already known that Sanghyeok and Wangho is bisexual and dated each other before, they didn't took it well at first. A lot of homophobes and haters starting to well up and throw hates at the both, but gladly they still have supporter and fans that don't mind, but most immportantly, they have each other back then. And when the news of the two have broken up and the picture that people have taken in Namsan Tower leaked out, the fans have been worrying and when you thought that the hate will eventually stop, it didn't, the people somehow found a way to blame it all on the jungler of Faker leaving and quiting League. So the jungler can't show any of them the scars, he can't let them pity him, he can't let the people says that he's only seeking for attention. 

He have to pull up that fake smile that he's getting tired of everytime he's on cam. 

"Is he okay now..?" Yita asked but the door is being opened even before Junggyun got the chance to reply her.

Uijin poked his head into the room and looked at the both. He can sense the seriousness in the room and he felt like he have walked in in a wrong time. "Uhm.. Sorry to disturb but my desktop won't start.."

"Okay, I'll handle it." Junggyun sighed as he patted on the manager shoulder and mouthed her a 'he's okay' before leaving the room.


	8. Instagram

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the fan, Wangho finds out about Sanghyeok instagram.

The skrim went on really quickly and like always, there's defeat and victory. Wangho's state is okay, he succesfully putted all of the 'Sanghyeok's-related-things' aside as he played Leageu. But it didn't last long.

When they finished their dinner in the Gaming room, they moved on to their streaming session, where is the session that Wangho hated the most. It's not like he hated chatting with the fans or anything, is just that he hated it that he have to be fake again.

It was like the usual, fans asking question in all kinds of language and Wangho only being able to reply the one that is in Korean on English. And because that Wangho have a lot of international fans, the boy's English have improved a lot, he is able to understand most of them now. It was like usual until some comment popped up in english caught his attention.

'Peanut have you seen Faker's instagram post??'

Wangho's hands frozed when he saw that name that hurted him so much being mentioned. Gladly he wasn't in game right now. It took Wangho awhile before finally realising something, Sanghyeok had already shutted down his instagram for more than two years now.

"What do you mean..? Sanghyeok hyung don't have instagram.." He answered the first part in his cute English and the second part using Korean, he's voice is so soft, almost like he's talking to himself. But the translater still heard it, there's a few seconds of silence, people waiting for the translater to translate what Wangho had just said into English.

'Translation: Faker don't have instagram.'

As soon as the translation popped up the chat is being floated by comments in English. It moved on so fast and Wangho missed most of them, but it seems like most of them is the same anyway. 

'What do you mean 'what do you mean?' Of course Faker have instagram!'

'Omaigad Wangho you didn't know?! How can you not know?! He's so active on it!'

'Duh of course Sanghyeok have instagram, he maked a new one after he shutted down his old one.'

The jungler can't even felt his face scrunching more and more as he read the chat. What are they talking about..? Sanghyeok have an instagram? Why didn't anyone tell me..? He maked a new one as soon as he shutted down the old one..? Why would he shut down the old one then.. is it to avoid me..? 

Wangho didn't realise that his eyes is already starting to become red and glassy, he can only felt his mind going crazy with theory and his heart aching. It was not until people has start asking about what is wrong.

'Wangho are you okay..? you don't look okay.'

'Peanut are you crying?!!'

'What's wrong peanut??'

Wangho immediately moved his body more to the back so the fans can't see him clearly because of the screen being too small. He again faked his usual smile and waved his hands a littlle. "No no I'm fine, it's just that my eyes are dry.."

And gladly people actually believed, maybe is the fact that Wangho always have dry eyes.

But the jungler can't help it.. he needs to know Sanghyeok's new insta account, he needs to know what have he been hiding from him, he needs to know how have he been doing and most immportantly, he wants to see him. "What is Sanghyeok's instagram name..?"

Because he wanted people to reply him as soon as possible, he used English on that.

'It's @sanghyeok_lee_96'

Peanut wasted no time and quickly opened instagram on a new tab, he have already canceled his q just now, all he wanted to do now is to find his love. 

The jungler typed in the username that the fan gave and he felt his troat and lips became dry and fingers became cold as soon as the page is loaded.

There he saw the person that he loves so much, love so hard, he saw him, but the problem is... it wasn't only him. There's Seongung in almost every picture. Wangho moved his trembling fingers and moved the mouse to click on the most recent one which is posted a day ago.

He heard it again, the sound that ringed through his ears when Sanghyeok broke up with him. The cracking sound.. and this time it's louder than ever. He felt the tears trying to get out of his eyes . He felt the pain, he felt the stab, he felt everything. 

The jungler quickly took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "I-I'm so-sorry guys.. I- I need some ti-time alone.." 

He quickly got up from his seat while covering his face and rushed out of his personal streaming room. He removed his hands when he's sure no camera can see him, tears won't stop falling. 

The noise of the members is making his head ache and dizzy. He called out to Junsik with his broken voice, but because of the distance, Junsik can't hear him. Wangho glanced up and saw that Junsik is in game, he can't disturb the boy right now.. but he know that he can't be alone in a state like this. Yita is nowhere in the room and Junggyun is streaming in his own room. He needs someone.. he needs someone to hold to right now, he can't do this.. he can never do this..

So when the moment he saw that Sungu is still waiting for a q, he stumbled to the boy, avoiding all the cameras on the members computer. 

When he reached the other jungler, who is rapping random make up lyrics, he grabbed Sungu shoulder. Sungu being shocked and all, quickly removed his earphones and looked up. His heart dropped almost immediately when he saw Wangho in a crying state. 

Wangho can't speak, he knows the viewers will hear him so instead he shook his head so hard that the head ache is getting worse. Sungu panicked and quickly told the viewers that he'll be back before helping Wangho to get to the kitchen where he can finally let everything out and no need to worry about the viewers hearing him. The younger jungler helped the boy to sat down while holding onto his arms. He sat beside him and patted his back softly as Wangho won't stop crying, it was like he was holding back for so long. He cried, he cried so hard that Sungu doesn't even know what to do anymore. He didn't know what happened, it happened so suddenly and Sungu is not prepared for this. 

"What's wrong hyung ah..?" The younger asked, he knows Wangho will most probably not reply him but he asked it anyway. 

The older jungler gripped and Sungu's sweater and spoke something, but he was crying too much so it's hard for Sungu to make out what he's saying. But eventually Wangho's third attempt succeded. "Ple-please go-go tu-turn off m-my stre-stream.. an-and come ba-back p-please.. pl-please.. I-I need yo-you right n-now.."

Just that one sentence, one sentence can make Sungu heart beat faster than he could ever imagined.

He needs me..


	9. Embrace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Wangho found out about Sanghyeok's instagram and that yesterday was him and his boyfriends two years anniversary, so he cried in Sungu's embrace.

The younger immediately stood up and rushed to Wangho's streaming room and walked over to his screen ready to just shut down his computer but then he saw what's on the screen. 

Sanghyeok's instagram.. more specifically, Sanghyeok's post about celebrating him and Seongung's 2nd aniversary. The picture showed Sanghyeok happily holding a cake that have 'Sanghyeok & Seongung, I love you' written on it, but the point of the picture is how Seongung hugged Sanghyeok from the back and kissed his boyfriend's neck while Sanghyeok is sitting.

Shit, he've found out.

"I'm sorry guys but Peanut have something really important to do we have to end the stream." As soon as he shutted the computer he rushed back to the kitchen. The other member is confused and kept on shouting at Sungu asking him what's wrong. But they soon understood when people from Peanut's stream came over and said that Wangho is crying when he saw Sanghyeok's instagram. The room is suddenly too quiet, no one dared to talk, they all know Sanghyeok have an instagram of course they know, but they didn't want to tell it to Wangho, well why..? This is why.

When Sungu stepped into the room, Wangho immediately grabbed the younger's sweater and pulled him close and cried into Sungu chest. The younger jungler is taken aback but still slowly wrapped his arms around Wangho's small frame and patted his back, telling him to let it all out.

The crying boy hugged the other so close, so tight, it's like he's afriad to let go of him, which he is. He needed someone right now, he's glad that it was Sungu he found, because he know he wouldn't be able to do this to the other members except for Sungu and Junsik, who he have gotten more close to over the past years. There wasn't any special feelings for this two, he could never have any special feelings for someone other than Sanghyeok. But for Sungu this is different, this is something to him, something that he won't stop denying. Deep inside he knows the older is having a large impact on him but he didn't want to believe it, he can't brought himself to the idea of loving a boy, he's in denial.  
So he tried and shrug it off, but when he realise that Wangho's have his face burried in his neck, already changed the position just now, his heart won't stop beating in a crazy speed which makes him afraid. 

No, I am not different.

Standing is getting really tired already, so the younger helped both of them to sit down while Wangho is still crying non stop. Other members is still streaming outside, but already gotten quiet, so quiet that the viewers are already suspecting something. They won't stop asking the members about what happened to Wangho, but all just ignored the question or some just answered that they don't know. Sungu's stream is still on, but the q have already canceled since he didn't accept the first one. 

After finishing the game, getting a victory, Junsik didn't pressed the 'Find a match' button as he looked over to Sungu's seat which is just beside him. 

He stared blankly at there for awhile, but eventually he knows he can't do this anymore. He turned his head back to his own camera and scratched his head. 

"Hey guys, I think I'll have to end the stream right now, I need to check out on Wangho." He spoke in Korean with a quiet voice as he exited the game and looked up to the staff for the stream asking him to turn off the stream.  
As soon as the stream is off, he quickly got up from his seat and walked to the kitchen. When he saw Sungu and Wangho hugging together with the older boy crying, Junsik's heart softened. He felt so sorry for Wangho, and he felt guilty for not telling him about Sanghyeok's instagram, but again he doesn't regret it, it'll be much more worse if he had told him. 

Junsik didn't walk inside, he feel like it's okay for just Sungu being there. Sungu might be blind, too blind to realise what he's actually feeling, but not Junsik. It's obvious that Sungu likes Wangho, that's why when he heard that Sanghyeok is going to hurt the jungler he got mad, that's why whenever Wangho cried he will always be there for him, that's why Sungu would always smile secretly when the older jungler actually smiled genuively for once, but Junsik saw it all, that face, exactly the look that Wangho had on when he's head over heels for their mid laner. And what Sungu have done and is still doing for the older jungler, that's what love is.

In the other hand, the both jungler didn't even see their ADC standing at the doorway. The older face is still burried in the younger's neck as Sungu softly patted his back, whispering soft 'It's okay' 'You're fine' 'I'm here' into the crying boy's ears. And Wangho had slowly gotten tired, his loud crying noise faded and turned into quiet sobs, his shivering body calmed down a bit. 

He slowly shutted his eyes without even noticing it and fallen asleep with Sungu's soft whisper being his lullaby.  
When Junsik is sure that Wangho had fallen asleep he called out to the younger jungler. "Let me guess."

Sungu jumped a bit as he looked up and saw the ADC standing there, arms crossed, body leaning against the door frame. It looks like he's already there for quite a time now. 

"He found out about the instagram?" Junsik asked with full of concern and Sungu replied with a small nod, didn't dare to do any big action, scared that he might wake the boy up.

"Not just that, he saw yesterday's post.." The ADC felt his heart tightened when the younger said that. When he saw the post yesterday Junsik is glad that Wangho didn't have to see it. But look at what had happened now.


	10. First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They might never know why is Wangho acting like a 5 years old kid over this break up, but the members know, the two were each other first boyfriend.

The members had tried their best to keep Wangho out from knowing this. They didn't know how they actually did it but they still did it anyway, Wangho didn't know anything for three years. They're all really glad that Faker is barely being mentioned in the stream. And even if they did, the members are gald that the peanut's fans always manage to spam a bunch of message making Wangho missed most of it.  
There was a few seconds of silence before Sungu eventually broke the silence. 

"He's gonna ask when he wakes up." Sungu stated while still holding onto Wangho's sleeping body that is still leaning against him. The older have his hands wrapped loosely around Sungu's waist and head still buried in the younger's neck.

"Let him ask and we'll tell him the truth, I can't continue lying and hiding everything away from him anymore. He deserves to know." Junsik sighed while walking over into the room and sat down on one of the stool beside the bar table.

"But telling him will hurt him more.." What Sungu have just said is true, Junsik knows that, but they can't hide it from the older jungler forever. They can't do it, it's hard for them to hide something this important from their older jungler. Wangho will eventually finds out everything so why not tell him now? It's better than Wangho finding out himself and getting mad at the members.

"No, if we don't tell him soon, when he finds out one day, he'll get hurted more." There wasn't much time where Junsik will get angry, it only happened twice after he had joined Skt, the first time being when Jaewan accidentally spilled his drink on his phone and second time being when Sanghyeok told him everything about leaving the and lying to Wangho. And this, this might be the third time.

Sungu stayed silence when he saw that face of Junsik, he knows that look, it was the exact same face he showed when Sanghyeok told them he was going to leave. The younger jungler is afraid that if he said something wrong, the ADC might burst.

When Sungu didn't say another word, Junsik knows that he's afraid of him, so he sighed, claming down himself and continued. "Wangho has been living in lies for too long.. First Sanghyeok lied to him about loving him, and then there is us, continuously feeding him lies about Sanghyeok.. Don't you feel bad for him? Don't you feel the guilt crawling up into you? Because I do.. It-it's just that he's that kind and caring, never once he did something to hurt us but look at us, we're feeding him never ending lies. I don't want to do this anymore Sungu ah.."

The younger looked at Junsik with sympathy, of course he understands. He wanted nothing but for Wangho to be happy again and he knows all those smile that he had pulled up those were fake. The both looked at the sleeping boy when he stirred a bit in his sleep, still on top of Sungu.

"We might as well just end the stream and practice here and head back to the gaming house. Let him rest and let us think, we'll have to tell him everything that we know even if he didn't ask." The ADC suggested as he left the room, leaving the two junglers alone.

Sungu looked down to Wangho and his heart clenched when he realise how close he is. The older's lips is almost touching Sungu's neck, his soft breath tickled the younger's sensitive skin. 

And at that moment, Sungu thinks that Wangho is the most beautiful human being he had ever met. And at that moment he felt like he wasn't denying anything, he felt like he's in love, in love with a boy named Han Wangho.  
But he immediately snapped back into reality when Yita walked in looking worried. Her eyes landed on the sleeping boy, her face immediately showed pity when she saw Wangho's state.

"How is he..?" The girl asked while moving towards to the older jungler. She sat beside him and softly patted his head. A small smile with sadness formed on her face as she continues to talk to the sleeping boy even though she knows that he can't hear her. 

"Wangho ah.. we're sorry.. sorry for many things.. sorry that we let you get hurt.. sorry that we let Sanghyeok took away your happiness.. Sorry that we couldn't protect you.. sorry that we have to hide things from you.. and also.. sorry that it has to be you.."

Yita can feel the lump in her throat and the sourness forming in her mouth and eyes. It is her duty to keep her boys happy and in shape, making sure every boys is okay both mentally and physically. But Wangho mental is everything but fine. The team have a psychiatrist, which Sungu used to go and see him every now and then before.   
When Sanghyeok left, the coach used to arrange a lot of session for Wangho. But Wangho never liked them, it was like the treatment is forcing him to remove Sanghyeok out from Wangho's memory. Wangho used to hold onto those memories so tight because that is all he had left. And they're trying to take away what's left for the young boy, so the session eventually stopped because it's taking Wangho's life away from him. But now, Wangho wants them gone, because the memories are now what killing him.

Sungu eventually tightened his grip on Wangho's body as he heard Yita. The people around Wangho is already sad seeing the boy like this and Sungu wonders, how would it be like to felt what Wangho's is feeling right now..

For normal people, they might never understand why is the older jungler making such a big deal about this, for them it's just normal break ups, everyone experienced break up before right? It's a process for you to learn how to love someone. But for the people who are close to Wangho and know how close Sanghyeok and Wangho used to be, how perfect the two were, they would understand. 

They were each other's first boyfriend.


	11. Jeon Soo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He met Jeon Soo, the guy who made him afraid of himself.

It was the third time this half an hour that Wangho glanced at their mid laner, Sanghyeok. Every time when Wangho looked at Sanghyeok, he felt his heart beat increased. And the jungler really don't get why he felt this way. He hates it, it reminded him about what happened years ago back in his last year in junior high, and it was a really bad memory that Wangho wants it to be bleached out from his head forever.

He shakes his head a few times to get rid of the images, no way. He looked back into his screen which is already back from gray and continued his game. He successfully forgot about the memories and Sanghyeok in the game, so focus that he can't even feel the said mid laner standing beside him watching him play. It is until the red big 'Defeat' showed up and he felt a hand placed on his shoulder.

He jumped a bit and removed his headphones, looking up. His heart skipped a bit when he saw Sanghyeok smiling at him. "Come on, let's go grab some coffee together."

Wangho bit his bottom lips and nodded his head. He was craving for some coffee anyway, and Sanghyeok is the one who asked..

The walk to the café is awkward, well at least for Wangho. No one shared a word, Sanghyeok didn't, it's simply because he's too lazy to talk. But Wangho? Wangho is because he can't seem to talk to Sanghyeok without blushing and he really doesn't need the older to notice that.

The jungler bawled his fist, his nails digging deep into his flesh. He squeezed his eyes shut as the images flashed in his head again. 

He stopped his track and panted real hard, suddenly breathing seems hard for him. The mid laner looked back when he realized that the younger isn't moving. He frowned his brows when he saw Wangho, alomost looking like he have just a ghost. "Hey Wangho ah what's wrong?"

Usually Sanghyeok will just jokingly ask what is wrong but Wangho doesn't really looks like he's okay right now. He walked towards the younger worriedly when he didn't reply him. But his heart immediately softened when Wangho looked up at him. There's tears at the rim of his eyes and the boy is still panting, hands still covering his ears. But isn't him fine just a few seconds ago? He placed his hands on top of the younger's shoulder and asked the same thing again. But what the older didn't expect is for Wangho to slap his hands away and backed a few steps back, looking at the mid laner as is it was him who had just hurt him.

The moment Wangho's mind has clamed down a bit he realized what he had just done. He panicked and bowed his head, muttering strings of sorry and runs away before telling him that he needed some time alone. 

Disappointment immediately rushed through his whole body when he reached a small alley and realized Sanghyeok didn't care enough to chase after him. Somewhere in him he's glad that he didn't chased after him, so that he can have some time away from Sanghyeok, to let him not think about him. But also, he knows he's not entirely happy because he really wished Sanghyeok cares for him.

But I guess no huh?

He slowly slide down the wall and looked up at the sky, tears silently slipped down his pinkish cheeks. Even though the hard panting had already stopped, his tears haven't. It's like at this moment he doesn't have control over his eyes.

What happened years ago is a nightmare that Wangho had forget until he met Sanghyeok.

 

You see Wangho isn't entirely unfamiliar with having feelings for a boy. It happened years ago when the jungler is at his early 15, just a few months before joining Najin. He met this senior who tutor him in maths. He remembers the first time he met Soo, his tutor, he remembers the boy had Auburn colored hair that Wangho wanted to ask if it's natural and he soon learned that it is. He remembers the name tag on his brown blazer and Wangho also wanted to ask why does he only have two letters name [Jeon Soo], and Wangho also learned that it was a family tradition. Wangho also remembers how incredibly handsome he is, and his voice, oh don't get Wangho started on his voice.   
And also Wangho remembers the strange feeling in his chest when Soo looked at him and greeted him with his signature dimple smile, how nice Wangho's name sounded coming out from his mouth. "Hello Wangho-ssi are you ready to start your first tutor lesson?"

One thing the 15 years old hatted about Soo is that he treated him like a little child. Soo isn't that much older than Wangho, just three years older than him, but Soo always treated him like he's 5. But at least the two got much closer now, from the formal using of Wangho's name, 'Wangho-ssi' to the informal using 'Wangho-ah', they've gotten that close.


	12. Shouldn't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One thing Wangho learned from that event is that he shouldn't voice out his thoughts that easily.

"Wangho ya, hey Wangho ah you listening??" The older boy waved his hand in front of the younger as he is spacing again. 

The said boy immediately snapped back into reality when he saw Soo's hand waving in front of him. He looked at the highschooler and felt his cheeks burn when he realize how close the other's face is. He quickly looked away before Soo can see the change of colour of his face. I'm listening yeah.."

But Soo isn't buying it, he furrowed his brows and sighed before started to pack his books and stuff into his black and white backpack that Wangho had gotten him back in the first semester because of his improved grade. 

Wangho panicked when he saw that, thought that the boy is already leaving, the session only started for like what? 15 minutes? 

"You're leaving already? But our session only started-" Soo wanted to laugh at how cute the younger boy is, how worried he looked, hands trying to reach out for Soo's and stop him from the packing. And so he did, he chuckled and stopped his movement after packing all his school stuff into his bag. 

"Oh calm down Wangho ah, I'm not leaving yet." Now it's the turn for Wangho to furrow his brows. If he's not leaving now, then why did he pack all his stuff?

"Then why did you-" There's no need for Wangho to finish that sentence because Soo already know what is he gonna ask. 

The older boy smiled, his infamous dimple smile, and Wangho heart clenched, again, at that sight. He zipped up his bag and grabbed at the smaller and younger boy's wrist and pulled him to the couch that is located not far away from where they were sitting just now. He sat down and Wangho followed, sitting down beside the auburn coloured hair boy. The younger still have that confused face and Soo finds it really cute, but not it any strange way, just cute as in a little cute brother.

"Well you've just finished your test I don't think you really have to study hard right now, I think that I should give you a day off today. And that I found out you've been spacing out a lot lately, now I'm not really good at giving advice but I'm a good listener, so come on tell me what's wrong." It is this kind of time that Wangho thinks of how perfect Soo can be and how lucky he is to meet him. But it was also this kind of time that Wangho can't be honest to the boy, because he knows he'll ruin everything he had right now with the said boy. And he really doesn't want that to happen, because Soo had already became a big role in his life, and he will do anything just so the boy can stay in his life. 

"I'm fine, just stressed out because of the test." The younger really thought that he had made a pretty good excuse, but for Soo, who is already used to seeing Wangho not taking those test seriously but still get good grades anyway, it seems and feels fake. 

"You know you can't lie to me Wangho ah, you're not even good at lying. If something is stressing you out, it's definitely not about exam. Now spill the beans." Wangho looked at his tutor with a shocked face, he didn't expect Soo to not buying that. "I'm not dumb Wangho ah don't look at me like that, I've been tutoring you long enough for me to understand you."

Long enough for you to understand me..

But I don't even understand me that well anymore..

The younger boy bit his bottom lips as his mind is running wild, struggling between the idea of tell or not tell the older everything that he have been feeling lately. If he tell.. well.. Wangho can't really think of a good thing that will happen if he tell, all he can think of is the bad stuff that is going to happen, their friendship is going to fall apart, Soo is going to be afraid of him and being disgusted by him and Soo will leave him, and Wangho doesn't want that to happen, not ever. But if he doesn't tell, he'll never know. And one more thing fot the younger to worried about is, he's still not sure about what he's feeling for the older, he never felt this before, never have he felt like this towards a girl or boy, he never felt his heart beat so fast because of someone, he never felt his cheeks heats up because of getting shy because of someone, he never felt his heart clench every time he saw that someone being close to some other people. 

He never felt what he's feeling right now towards other people. And unluckily, the first time he felt all of these, that someone, happens to be a boy. And Wangho is afraid, because he had heard so many bad things about boys liking boys. How wrong it is.. how he had committed a sin.

So Wangho kept quiet, not dared to risk all of these because of the stupid feelings that he's not even sure. 

But Soo, being Soo, he's not letting the boy go just like this. When Wangho turned his head away from him and looked down onto his laps, he knows something is bothering his little Wangho and he wants to help Wangho. 

So he did something that he didn't know how much it affected the boy. Soo reached out gently for Wangho and lifted his chin up to look at him. He flashed Wangho his soft not-showing-his-teeth smile. "Hey, you can trust me."

That was a bad move of Soo, so bad that Wangho have now one step forward to making sure his feelings for the tutor. So when the younger's heart is beating loud and fast, too loud that he can't even heard what he have just said, he mumbled something that he's not planning to ask, at least not to Soo. "How does love felt like?"

Soo isn't shock, he isn't surprised at all, it's normal for Wangho to be in love right now, being stressed out anout love right now, completely normal for him, but he doesn't know that Wangho is talking about him. The auburn coloured hair boy now showed his full smile and pulled his feet onto the couch so that he can hug his knees. Finally stopping any kind of skin ship with the young boy. Wangho almost whined at the loss of warmth, almost, but he didn't. The older boy thinks for awhile before opening his mouth. "I think.. love felts like.. happiness..? Like if you felt happy around this girl and you felt like making her happy every time. If you see her you'll get strangely happy, but you'll get jealous when you know she's with some other guys. You felt happy when she's happy, you'll feel sad when she's sad. I think.. I think that's what love felt like.."

One thing the brown haired boy noticed is when Soo said all of those, he looks like he's in love. He looks like he's seeing someone. And the other thing Wangho noticed is that he used she and her. Wangho noticed all of these detail which make him shouldn't say anything. But, Wangho didn't heard that part of his thoughts, because the other one is louder.

He's in love..

He's in love with Soo..

He's in love with a boy..

And so Wangho ignored his other thoughts that are screaming for him to stop before he made a mistake. So he did, he made an mistake, a huge mistake, a mistake that ruined his life.

"I like you hyung.." and it was that look, that look that Soo showed to wake Wangho up. To make Wangho heard his other thoughts.


End file.
